Lost: 10.8lbs

Trying to get to the end of the first 17 days. 4 days to go.

Energy level is SO MUCH BETTER. My mood is better too. Awesome.

PROGRESS

Ok, this is awesome. In the past 10 days, these things have happened to me:

I have lost 9.6 pounds and I do believe if I hadn't had 2 glasses of wine Saturday night, it would have been 11 pounds because it was 11 pounds Sat morning!!! This is still great. Because I have to remember, it isn't a number race, I am trying to change my lifestyle. I am allowed wine, but my guide did say that it would slow down my progress. Not sure I want to have any wine this week, because I really like losing weight fast!

I have been able to resist my cravings for sugar and the urge to eat just for the fun of it, or when I am stressed about something. I haven't cheated on my diet not even one bite. I sat and watched friends eat wings and fries, I cooked my son fried okra, and I sat with him during a movie while he munched on popcorn. It wasn't easy at times, but it wasn't that hard either. I feel like the powers of the universe have given me strength because I submitted to Him, admitted I could not do it myself, asked for help, and turned it over to Him.

I worked out ALL of my planned days last week!!!! I WANTED to go! So, even though I don't have the energy levels I am aiming for yet, I have more energy than I did before.

Losing all that weight has given me hope. I needed that so much!

And, I met a guy I like and I am attracted to. Not sure if he is long-term relationship material, but he is going to be great to kick it with right now.

WEAK

I felt so weak today. Like I could just fall over. I was tired and my yoga practice was very weak. Probably still detoxing.

Hang in there.

Day 7 already. Tonight I just wanted to entertain myself with some sweet food. I resisted. Don't understand all that. Will have to add that to the list of things to talk to a sponsor about.

9 POUNDS!

YEP, 9 pounds in 6 days! Very very happy about that.

What I have learned in 6 days without the option of sugar or processed food:
a. I really do eat for pleasure, to ease transitions, for comfort, to relieve stress
b. I want to eat at times that I am not even hungry
c. I am a sugar addict
d. I am a compulsive eater, definitely. I have known this all along, but finally able to admit it

I can't wait to go to another OA meeting. I need a sponsor, like yesterday. I have felt the urge to eat sweets a couple times this week and it was when I saw deserts and when I was transitioning from one activity to another in my day. So, I need someone to help me with this. I also want to ask them, "Does this mean I will NEVER get to eat cheesecake anymore in my life?" and for the first time ever, if they say "no" then I am willing to strive for that because I want to be well bad enough to even give up cheesecake.

My son made the A/B Honor Roll today! First time ever. I am so proud of his little self, I don't know how to show it!

Having insomnia tonight. Don't know why. Isn't eating right supposed to give you more energy and better sleep? Well, that part hasn't kicked in yet. I think I might still be going through withdrawals because my headaches, while not as bad, still pop up occasionally.

OH SHIT!

Wow, I have a follower! Welcome my new friend. : ) That sort of freaks me out! But for some reason, I feel compelled to just keep going and being real and honest. I am being REALLY honest. Putting nude photos of my fat body on the internet is crazy! But, I want to start being true to myself. I think the body is beautiful, God's creation. There is nothing cheap or sleazy about the human body, mine included. I am learning to love myself and it starts by being able to love all of me. Seeing myself naked in a photo gives me a bit more perspective on my body image. I don't look near as bad as I thought I did. And if I don't compare myself to people who do a lot of unhealthy things to be thin, then I can appreciate my body as it is. I really do feel I have almost gotten where I want on my body image thinking. I can love who I am at this size.

My struggle is mainly how to surrender to my addiction and accept that reality, let God heal me, and continue to always seek accountability.

Speaking of struggle, I was feeling very bored with my food choices for today. Already bored with the food. BUT, maybe some boredom is exactly what I need! I don't even care about the food I eat. I just want to feel good moving around through the day and I felt that today. No headache today.


I jogged two miles today. It was ugly-slow, but I did it. In fact, it was way easier than I thought it was going to be. That felt really good.

Today was a good day. Day 4

I GOT A SIGN

I went to an Overeaters Anonymous Meeting today. It was good and it was bad. About 90% of the class was over and I started getting these urges that I just couldn't take it. I wanted to leave. I didn't want to hear anymore of the same stuff I have always heard. Nothing was new and a lot of the things people were talking about discovering I have already discovered. But, I realize that just discovering them isn't enough. I need community. I need other people. So, getting to know these people isn't going to be easy or fun for me, but in the end, I think it will be rewarding and probably the best thing I have ever done for myself.

I also went to hot yoga today. I have only been on my eating plan 30 hours and my yoga practice has already improved. I am not sure whether it is the placebo effect or what, but the poses felt easier. I felt lighter. No sugar in my system to poison me and pull me down. Looking in the mirror, my skin even seemed to glow. I felt strong. Now, of course with yoga, every day is different, so I might have just been having one of my good days. It will be interesting to see in the coming weeks what happens with my yoga practice. I did ALL the poses.

When I got home from yoga, I experienced this euphoric feeling like I have never had before. I think I was having a premonition of how fantastical my life can be if I don't poison myself. I can fly. I can do anything. That is what I was feeling. It almost brought me to tears because I really can not remember ever EVER having a feeling of such power. So, I don't know what is happening to me, if anything. It could just be a one moment high. But I really liked it. If I can have that feeling, then I can really give up sugar!

Two days abstinent from compulsive overeating.

HEADACHES

Getting headaches. And having sugar withdrawals. They started about 8 hours into my first day yesterday. I am sort of shocked at the quickness and severity of these symptoms. I must have been having way more sugar and caffeine than I thought. Of course my diet has been a free-for-all for over a year now. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised.